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<title>i'd say shoot your shot, but your aim is terrible by strangelysweet</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28723719">i'd say shoot your shot, but your aim is terrible</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangelysweet/pseuds/strangelysweet'>strangelysweet</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hades (Video Game 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, Bad Flirting, Drabble, Family Dynamics, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, artemis is so done with her twink cousin, idiots to lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:33:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>660</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28723719</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangelysweet/pseuds/strangelysweet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Artemis watches her cousin struggle and does nothing to help.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ares &amp; Artemis (Hades Video Game), Ares &amp; Thanatos (Hades Video Game), Artemis &amp; Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>208</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'd say shoot your shot, but your aim is terrible</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>just wanted to write a quick thanzag drabble before i really committed to my other wips hehe<br/>best girl artemis is here too :D</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><div class="">
  <p>Artemis has had <em>enough</em>. Working with Zagreus has shown her many things, and one of those things is that everyone in the Underworld has the worst communication skills she has ever seen. And that's saying something because she's seen hunting dogs turn onto their master after he overwent a little makeover. (It was kind of her, really. Stags have so much more fun.)</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Don't get her wrong, she really likes Zagreus, he's chill, a solid 9/10, and she won't be polymorphing him anytime soon, but <em>Zeus' great white beard</em>, that boy was testing her. More than she values sticking to her beliefs, she appreciates straightforwardness. With Zagreus, it's a little like asking a boar to give you a delicate dance. Usually, he's fine, but with a <em>certain</em> someone, Zagreus beats around the bush more than he beats around the skull of that hydra. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Usually, she wouldn't care that Zagreus was running around, pining after that ridiculous god of death and his odd hair, but she's invested now. It's like watching a group of quails fight for their habitat in the forest. For the first five minutes, you couldn't care less about some round birds, but after that, you've named them, you know that Agnes is struggling as a single mother and that Alexander wants to leave the nest, but without him, Agnes only has three children after the loss of Crysanthe. <em>Yes</em>, this is still about Zagreus' obvious crush on Thana-whatever. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She sees them hazily through the fog of Asphodel, watching them fight side by side. Zagreus pushes an enemy out of a glowing circle of slow death, and Thanatos frowns, making a face similar to that of a bear who sat on a bees' nest. <em>If only there was something I could do</em>, she thinks, sitting on the steps of Olympus as she peers over the side. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hail, surly sister." A voice calls out. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Artemis doesn't even have the energy to give a witty response, so she just grunts in acknowledgment. Her half-brother Ares sits next to her on the steps, peering over her shoulder at the scene unfolding below. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Ah, cousin Zagreus!" Ares exclaims, then his eyebrows wiggle like pale caterpillars. "And my colleague Thanatos. I was unaware Zagreus had taken him as his lover." </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Artemis sighs. "That's the issue. He hasn't." </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>There is a pregnant pause as Thanatos and Zagreus argue below, their voices muffled and their faces blurry. Blinking in shock, Ares frowns. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"He hasn't? Why not? Thanatos is obviously willing, and Zagreus has the courage of a Trojan in battle." He states, his brow knitted in confusion. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The hunting goddess groans, holding her head in her hands. "That is the question I am asking! Thanatos seems flighty, if you ask me."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"What? No, <em>Zagreus</em>' courting skills are obviously lacking." Ares retorts, frowning at his half-sister. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Scoffing, Artemis returns to the pair of gods below, then grips Ares' arm in shock. "By Zeus, it's <em>happening</em>." </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Thank Aphrodite for that." He says, but he looks over her shoulder with similar energy to an excited puppy. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>From what Artemis can make out, she can see Zagreus holding Thanatos' hand in his, tracing the lines of his palm with a sad air about him. The god of death hovers closer towards him, taking the dark-haired deity's face in his hands and leaning down to press a kiss to his lips. She lets out a loud exhale, a heavy burden leaving her shoulders. <em>Callisto is going to love this</em>, she thinks, stretching her neck from side to side. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Well, that took several years of my immortal life," Ares announces, getting to his feet and placing his hand on the hilt of his sword. "I'm going to go fight Athena now, so do tell me if anything else occurs. I would so like to see our cousin happy." </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And he turns on his heel, walking away. Staring at his retreating back, Artemis huffs out a sigh. "And I, too, brother." </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>not pictured: aphrodite and dionysus struggling to watch zagreus flirt with megaera while getting his ass kicked because the secondhand embarrassment could nerf a titan.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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